I have a love/hate relationship with the movie the Notebook.
The first time I saw the movie I was married and deeply,
madly, stupid in love with my then husband. My first Noah was "lay down
in the middle of street and wait for the light to change" exciting. He was handsome, could build anything and made me laugh till my sides hurt. I related heavily to Ally’s character because like
her my parents didn’t think my Noah was good enough for me either. In fact - my Dad once told him that he would
only marry me over his dead body. It was
less dramatic than all that. My dad wore a tuxedo and was very much alive as he
walked me down the aisle to my doom… eh hem, I mean Groom.
The next time I watched the movie roughly ten years later
I was going through a divorce from my first Noah and that was when I related to
Martha. She’d lost the love of her life. Albeit to a World War and I’d only lost
mine to drugs and a slew of drug related affairs but you get the idea. She took
up with Noah and proceeded to fill in that blank relationship spot losing
her sweetie had left. Martha had a lot to offer and no place to put it. Me too girl....Me too.
A few years after my divorce I
met my second Noah, he seemed like a good fit. We got along easily even
though we’d both had our hearts broken by loss or other people. We were willing
to give it a shot. Things were cruising along
smoothly until I found out that I was the Martha. Dammit. I was the proverbial place
holder and he married his Ally about 9 months after he ended things with me. Unlike
Martha I'd never heard stories about Ally and how wonderful she was. I didn’t
even know she existed but the end was the same. I found myself alone with my
hands in my apron pockets, uneaten dinner on the table wondering what the hell
just happened. Ok, so truthfully it was more like my hands shoved into the pockets
of my jeans as I sat for a new tattoo and I don’t wear aprons. I’m
not sad to have missed the whole “let’s have lunch together so I can see how awesome
the other chick is” moment like Martha and Ally had. A respectful, face to face goodbye from the
Noah would have been nice but this isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie, this is real
life.
More recently I've been the Martha again but this time to no
one in particular - I don’t think. Hard to say cuz my third Noah was
about as close mouthed as the Nicholas Sparks version about what was closest to
his heart and what he was up to. I think I'm just Martha to the Ally’s of the world in general. I even have the same color hair as the pair of
them. Redheads aren't everyone’s cup of
tea but Noah’s seem to love em. The Martha process is always the same. Fall hard and try to fill that empty relationship spot with a Noah. The handsome
Man’s Man who just isn’t ready to settle down. Well, not with YOU anyway. We
plug along in our little Martha lane, making dinner, being nice, wondering
where we REALLY stand with Noah but not wanting the answer at the same time. Don’t
be mistaken..Martha isn’t someone to be pitied. She’s a badass in her own rite. Cooks a mean meal and not bad in the sack. It takes courage to carry on with the ordinary. And THAT ladies and gentlemen appears to be
the story of my life. Always the Martha and never the Ally.
Maybe someday my true Noah will reveal himself in all his
over 6 foot tall, honest, handsome, mechanically
inclined, family oriented, badass splendor. OR maybe I’ll just keep watching Nicholas
Sparks’ movies, getting tattoos and being my own damn Ally for no one other
than myself in my own effing splendor. That seems like a plan the OG Ally would approve
of.
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