diaper guilt

When I think about it I’m a weird mix of hippie and capitalist. I’ve always known this about myself but just recently started feeling the sharp angles of the two grinding against each other. For example I buy a lot of my clothes at thrift stores because I like the idea of not buying brand new, it feels a bit like recycling to me. Plus you can find some really cool stuff for less dough. I like the idea of hand me downs and I used to host clothing swap parties when I had a roomier house. There’s a book swap coming soon to my tiny living room because I got over having a small house and I’m gonna do it anyway but I’ll still drop as much extra cash as possible on fresh books when I can. I use reusable water bottles but I insist on straws in public places. I’ve worked in restaurants, I know what goes on with the glasses. I keep the heater so low your nose would freeze but will shamelessly run the swamp cooler or A/C until we get the same result. Also, I use K-cups. Like A LOT of K-cups. I’ve tried the reusable one but it gets grounds in my cup.  I have to have very high thread count sheets and down pillows but I’m pretty sure you’re a tool if you eat foie gras. Some stuff I’m flexible with and some stuff has my kids scratching their heads and asking if I grew up in the Depression. Another thing is I can’t throw food away. I will find ever more creative ways to redo the leftovers that having one less kid in the house has created. I’ll home remedy almost anything rather than buy commercial medicine. I’ll reuse things until they have no life left in them. Also - I have a diaper guilt. 3 kids worth of disposable diapers plus thousands of K- cups divided by all the plastics we use = I’m personally freaking out. Some days I wanna start a compost heap, then turn my remaining  1/2 acre of goat head infested dirt into a farm and get chickens, goats and possibly a cow. Then I take a breath, the capitalist takes over and I compromise with going to a farmers market and cooking jointly with friends or family all commune style. It’s a fine balance and some days I do better than others. Today was 50/50. In the end I’d like to be 80% hippie and 20% capitalist with great vintage style and a welcoming vibe to my home. Happy Friday!