"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty, sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with" -

 Carrie Bradshaw.

Most days I would say I agree with this. Today isn't one of those days. I am lonely. I know that my kids, my friends, my family, my church, my career should be enough but today I'm not feeling it. Today I am feeling less than. If I'm so pretty, sexy and smart then why am I solo? My ex isn't solo. My buddy who's divorce is just now final isn't. My logical side agrees with the principle of being single while raising kids. They need a stable parent. Today my choice feels like back when I was "staying together for the kids". Not that I have so many other more attractive options but like I said, today I'm a little sour. My logical side says these folks in relationships might be just as lonely or whatever other adjective, as me. That I am better off alone for the right reasons then with someone for the wrong ones. Yeah yeah yeah. Today I say phooey. I want a man to tell me I'm pretty and not one I'm related to. I want to feel wanted and for longer than an hour or two because I have the "friend with benefits"... At this point after almost 2 years of back and forth he's more like a really reticent boyfriend but I can't call him that. Against the rules. Logic and self help books say I deserve better. Today it's all I've got. Let me be clear, I don't want an all the time, up in my business boyfriend. I only want to take care of my kids but I'd like more than I have. Attention, some affection, a date now and then. Someone to cuddle on the couch with and watch a movie. Someone who's laundry I don't have to do, someone who doesn't think I want rescuing. Someone to steal glances across a room with. For all the things my ex husband wasn't he did proudly claim me as his. Damn straight! I was a great wife and someday I may make a great girlfriend. For now I would be quite happy with a man who was only sleeping with me, who handles his own shit and leaves me to do the same.  What I want is probably akin to a unicorn. And as easy to find. Oh well. That's just how I feel today. Tomorrow will be a new day.