The Dude part 2

I was right. He WAS on his way out and now he's gone. I don't think it was for someone else necessarily. Maybe it was just for himself but the end result is the same. I am alone again. This time I'm angry. Angry that he played me and bargained against my feelings. Angry that he made himself a part of things, of memories he had no right to if he didn't intend to stay. A dear male friend of mine told me that guys do exactly what they want. They only want women to think they're adorably clueless. That way they're not the bad guy. No one wants to be the bad guy right? If it's being a bad guy to pull someone's covers then fuck it I'm it. I'm the bad guy. It's so easy to just be honest that it's difficult apparently. Be honest with yourself first and then maybe you can be honest with someone else. Here's my truth. I am scared of being hurt, lied to, played. As a result of that fear I don't trust easily. I did trust this time. And all the things I was afraid of happened. I think the victory was in simply trusting again, regardless the outcome. That was progress for me. Thanks Dude. Next time it'll be more than a friendship turned sexual. Next time I'll be valued for all of who I am and whoever he is will be honest enough with himself to be honest with me.