I have terrible timing. Seriously. I am either too early or
too late and it has been this way for as long as I can remember. Back in
elementary school I jumped on the whole “rainbows and unicorns” bandwagon a
little too late. I held on to the unicorn trend a little too long resulting in
earning myself a nerdy reputation. In middle school I was a little ahead of the times. Having
read a book called
“The Official Preppy Handbook” the summer between 5th
and 6th grade (7 years AFTER it was published – bad timing again) I
came back to school reinvented as a hardcore “preppy”. This was about a year
before anyone else heard of the term so you could say that my argyle knee socks and Bermuda
shorts in a marvelous pink & green combination weren't so popular. I liked
the Cure before guys who wore lipstick and eyeliner were cool. I got tired of
Nirvana before the rest of the world declared them the Kings of music.
Regardless of the trend I was either ahead of the curve or behind the eight
ball.
As I got older my terrible timing started to affect my love
life, if you could call it that at the age of 14. My first real boyfriend was a
senior when I was a freshman. Of course I fell madly in love with him and of
course he promptly graduated and went off to college. In between freshman year
and junior year I developed a knack for declaring my “like” for a guy immediately
prior to him becoming the new hot man on campus (and therefore having no time
for me). Then in my junior year the pinnacle of bad timing was reached when
a guy that I was friends with (but secretly ADORED) decided to seek
my advice about a girl he wanted to ask out. I assumed it was me he was
referring to and that he was just trying to be clever but no. 23 years later we
reconnected and my timing is still off, or more accurately this time, my
geography.
I met my former husband earlier than I should have. Had I
known he was younger than me by a few years I probably wouldn't have spoken to
him. By the time I learned how old he really was it was too late, I was already
head over heels. I used to wonder if he had been older when we met if we would
have made it. Who knows?
What I do know is here I am almost 5 years post divorce and
my timing hasn't improved any. I finally met a guy who knocked my socks off and
met all my non-shallow expectations and guess what? Yep. Bad timing strikes
again. He’s not ready for me. I could go all girly-stupid and say “he’s just
scared of his feelings, he really likes me” but the bottom line is, it’s just
bad timing and I can’t even be mad about it. In fact, I still think he’s the
bee’s knees.
I can’t say if this timing issue will ever improve with me.
Picture in your head one of those circular revolving doors like the ones you
see in hotels back East. I am always walking in the door, pushing the handle
forward while the “person, opportunity, dream” is twirling away in the opposite direction, leaving through the little
pie shaped section at the front of the building. That’s my life. Rationally I
know all things happen in the right and perfect time, in God’s time. My type B
side is ok with all that. My type A side is calling bullshit.
Shakespeare said “Better three hours too soon than a minute
too late”. Shakespeare understands...but the bottom line is that when it comes to me the clock is broken.
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