May 4th

My something old was the lace that came from his mom that made up my veil, something new were the hot pink 10 hole Doc Marten boots I was wearing, something borrowed were my Grandmothers pearls and something blue was the garter around my thigh. I walked down the aisle to the battle song from Braveheart and then proceeded to do battle for the next 15 years. Sometimes with myself and my expectations of what marriage and family life should look like, sometimes with him and his inner demons. Sometimes with the families we'd married into and sometimes with our so-called "friends" but battle I did until 15 years later sitting at the Gordon Beirscht micro brewery wearing a Dodgers jersey and a worn out look on my face. In the year since that day I have reflected on the mistakes that were made and tried to figure out what lessons could be learned. I've gained things and lost things - I lost my nice car and I'm about to lose my nice house but I gained employment and self worth. I lost material things and gained humility. I haven't turned bitter or become distrusting of all men. I have forgiven myself and I'm working on forgiving him. This past year has gone quickly some times and very slowly others. I have discovered that I don't sleep well when my babies aren't home and that I can handle more than I thought I could. I've learned that I have friends and family who will help me pack or clean a pool, let me cry on their shoulder or help with my kids. Growth has come in leaps and bounds this past year and I expect that God will continue to provide me opportunities to do some more growing. Happy Fourth of May Melisa and congratulations on a year well spent.