where have I been

After so many years you tend to forget who you are- at least this has been true for me. I always defined myself though the music I listened to or the clothes I wore. The concerts I attended and the books I read. My job or what I was studying in school. And of course by who I was dating. Then I became a wife and a mother and my identity shifted. Now I was defined primarily through the actions or inaction's of other people. I still listened to music and read books, and of course attended as many concerts as I could but I was losing myself.  I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until a certain event in my life - a real foundation rocker. It was then, laying in the hospital that it came to my attention that I just might not know who I am any more. How did this happen? It wasn't any one event but a series of little things, choices I made each day to let go of something or stuff it down. To pick up someone else's bad habit or attitude, to put others before myself. I'm not talking about taking care of people, I'm talking about taking better care of others than you do yourself. People pleasing is a disease and if you're not careful it can be terminal. So what next? I begin to reclaim the lost pieces of me one by one - read a new book, check out a new band or re-read my journals. Talking to old friends helps remind me of who I was..look at pictures or ask God because he'll always tell me straight even if it isn't what I want to hear. It's been my experience that there are 3 answers to prayer. Yes, No and Not Right Now....so now I wait for the answer and embrace the pieces of myself as they return.