Time warp

I should be sleeping but I can't. I'm moving in 3 hours but the sleep won't come because I get can't my kids and the time warp we live in off my mind. Since the moment they were born time has been messing with me. Some days go by at a snails pace and others zip by like lightning. The bulk of life falls in between one and the other but nights like tonight are special. Tonight was my sweet baby girls first junior high "get all dressed up" dance. We went shopping and bought the dress and shoes both on clearance. The dress, lovely and age appropriate. The color made her already gorgeous blue eyes even prettier. The shoes...too tall but sparkly so they of course they were a must have to my sweet baby girl. I look at the pictures I posted and I think "who IS this girl"? She's beautiful and sassy and  self conscious all at the same time. She's my daughter which means she has a hard time accepting that she is truly a beautiful human being inside and out. Took me till I was 40 and I still mess it up most days. She did her own hair and makeup for the occasion just by watching a few YouTube tutorials. What talent she has. I could never have pulled that off at 12. My vision of this evening was for her to walk down the stairs to her dad, brothers and I all waiting anxiously on the couch, video camera at the ready, for the first glimpse of her in her dress. Instead she got out of my car and walked carefully though the rain to where her dad was sitting in his own vehicle behind us. I'm sorry you don't have the family I dreamed for you sweet baby girl. But I can promise you this, you will always have me and I will always love you. One day at a time, be it a snail day or a lightning day we will make the best of what we have. I will take too many pictures of you and post them all on Facebook because part of me still thinks I can somehow "freeze" the moment. Stop the time warp. How lucky I am to be her mom. On the snail days when her teen angst and hormones are driving me crazy. On the lightning days when I wake up crying because its all going away too fast. Everyday. I love you.